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Recently my sons’ teacher asked me if I had given any thought to enrolling them in the Cub Scouts, since they are in the first grade and that’s when scouting starts. Bless her heart, she’s in her second year of changing their pee-pee pants, but still, she asked. I responded with a snort.

For those who don’t know, my own experience with Girl Scouts began and ended in the second grade. I actually got kicked out of Brownies. Shocking, I know. I was irreverent, disruptive, and only in it for the refreshments anyway.  Yes, that’s really me. :-)

I don’t think my husband was ever a scout, but I know his sister also got the boot from Brownies, so my kids have scoutal insubordination working against them from both sides.

The truth is, my boys could never do traditional boy scouts, what with all that helping old ladies across the street business, because this is them… all the time:   Nope, I’d have to start my own troop. A branch of the Cub Scouts just for boys on the more severely affected end of the spectrum… the Tasmanian Devils!

So, here we have the existing boy scout ranks:

They’re all den animals, and all have various connotations of bad-assdom; the Tiger Cub being the starting point in first grade.

Now, allow me to introduce the proposed update for 2012:

But wait, there’s more:

 Revised, Autism-Inclusive, Boy Scout Oath

On my honor, I will do my best
To keep my pants on and to obey the Scout Law;
To respect other people’s boundaries at all times;
To keep myself physically subdued, mentally stabilized, and verbally appropriate.

Revised Boy Scout Motto for Autistic-Americans

Be Prepared (bring Pull-ups)!

Revised Y-Chromasome-Scout Slogan for the Spectrumentally-challenged

Lick long and prosper.

Before a cub scout can become a boy scout he must master the WEBELOS rank. Likewise, the Tasmanian Devil Cub Scouts would also need to master WEBELOS (We Be Licking Other Scouts) before they could go onto their Boy Scout rank of Honey Badger, which is like a Tasmanian Devil only more impertinent.

As it turns out, WEBELOS lends itself very naturally to autism. Take a look at these accomplishments:

To make this even easier to achieve in the Autism Scouts, we will celebrate what these kiddos already do best:

Obviously, if I’m starting an entire branch of the Cub Scouts, it stands to reason I’ll be the Head Den Mother In Charge. Historically, I have two basic choices in Den Mother attire to choose from:

Nixon-era Carol Brady chic.

OR

Early 21st Century Den MILF (if you like it then you shoulda put a badge on it).

I’m betting the second option would help me earn my Silver Beaver more quickly, but I’m opting instead for a uniform consisting of a roomy 2008 Autism Walk-A-Thon t-shirt, yoga pants, and a rhinestone tiara. This is already my current SAHM uniform, but will now be classied up by the new designation, and will thus finally be deemed acceptable for wearing out in public. Score!

In conclusion, if you think the Autism Scouts sounds like a good fit for your son, come to our inaugural troop meeting tonight at 7:00. The refreshments will be breathtaking.

*No Boy Scouts were harmed in the making of this blog post.

**All photos ripped off from various websites about scouting and stuff.

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