There is a simple reason why the beauty store Sephora can get away with charging $60 for a 4-ounce jar of moisturizer called Hope in a Jar: It appeals to one of our most basic emotional needs as human beings, the need for hope. This is never more true than within the autism community, especially among the parents of affected children. Hope is dangerous. Hope will have you juicing parsley and flying your children to Honduras to see the one doctor in the world who has the cure to the yet unnamed genetic disorder that looks just like autism but isn’t. We are afraid to have hope, but even more afraid of letting go of it.
After a few years’ worth of disappointments, we give up on Hope in a Jar. We turn to Apathy in a Can.™ It’s cheaper, more practical, and we don’t risk having our dreams crashed in when it turns false. It takes a while to wash the false hope out of your system, but once you do then you can be so much more receptive to the real thing.
Reading Carly’s Voice: Breaking Through Autism by Arthur and Carly Fleischmann is a bit like Hope in a Jar; the title alone suggests a promise of something wonderful inside if you just take that leap of faith, but unlike all those false promises we’ve bought into in the past, this feels like the genuine article; Real Authentic Hope, and something we can all truly believe in.
The story is that of Carly Fleischmann, a young girl severely affected by autism, and told predominantly from the viewpoint of her father. He begins by taking the reader through what he describes as “climbing the well-greased ladder” of receiving an autism diagnosis and diving head first into the sea of treatment options.
Parents will immediately relate to Arthur and Tammy Fleischmann, because their story is our story in so many ways. He grabs us in the prologue by describing a frantic search for a missing seven-year-old Carly, only to find her at a park a few blocks from their house, happily stimming with no clothes on and being stared at by a neighbor. For people who don’t live with autism, this sort of story seems outrageous. For those of us that do, this is practically commonplace, and we immediately accept him as one of “our people” who “gets it”. Mothers and fathers will find themselves nodding in agreement at the gritty, heartbreaking accuracy of the details of a typical day raising a profoundly autistic child.
There are many long hard years of intensive therapy for Carly with very little to show for it outwardly. Her inner terrain is an unknown mystery for the better part of her childhood. Not only do we read her father’s accounts, but we also get to peer into her medical files and see what the professionals’ impressions were. By every account, this was a girl deeply locked inside of her autism.
But then, hope begins to bloom when an eleven-year-old Carly amazes everyone and types a now-famous message (“HELP TEETH HURT”) to her therapists. Those initial three words (and the gazillion that followed afterward) were the confirmation of what so many parents always believed (and in our darkest moments might have doubted) but could never prove; that these children have an inner voice and they’re highly aware of their surroundings.
After this, Carly begins to take over the telling of her own story. She answers some of the questions people have posed to her over the years, providing us with a Rosetta Stone into the mind of a young person with autism and sharing her insights with those of us on the outside who so desperately try to understand. When Carly is asked if she thinks what she can do is a miracle, she says no, it just took a lot of time and hard work. With every word Carly writes, she reminds us that she is an intelligent, beautiful, and wickedly funny young lady with an awful lot to say, and she’s not an anomaly – all of our children are in there, just looking for a way to tell us about it. They’re not selling us a cure, they’re showing us how much we already have. Now that’s hopeful.
The timing of this story’s release couldn’t be more perfect; never before have the two historically divided camps of parents of autistic children and autistic adult advocates needed to find a way to peacefully co-exist than now, and this book seamlessly blends those two viewpoints into one cohesive story.
We highly recommend this one. It will help you to have a better understanding of what’s going on inside your kids’ minds, it will help you appreciate the world that will open to your own children soon, and it will really make you crave chips, so you should probably pick up a bag when you buy the book.
Happy reading!
(Yes we can!)
GIVEAWAY
We have one copy of Carly’s Voice to give away. If you would like to qualify, just leave a comment here. A winner will be chosen randomly on May 24, at noon, Pacific Time.
———————————————
Read an excerpt: http://www.scribd.com/doc/81879038/Carly-s-Voice-Breaking-Through-Autism-by-Arthur-Fleischmann-with-Carly-Fleischmann
Watch the book trailer: http://youtu.be/N1WVzG8HHlc
Visit Carly’s Website: http://carlysvoice.com/
Follow Carly on Facebook & Twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/CarlysVoice
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Carly-Fleischmann/68996682748
Carly’s Voice: Breaking Through Autism by Arthur Fleischmann with Carly Fleischmann
My thanks and greatest admiration to Carly and others like her, who have been kind enough to reach out to us NT’s and share their world experiences and expertise.
Hi Lisa, I was reading “Carly’s Voice” when I saw the subject of your post. So, I waited until I finished reading it to read your review, so I wasn’t unduly influenced. The book was excellent and so was your review. Although, honestly, the first part detailing the intensity of raising a severely impacted, non-verbal child, I didn’t need to read. We live that.
But, when Carly is able to have her “inner voice” heard, that’s magical. And, I love what an original, funny, even snarky voice she has! The letter to Ellen DeGeneres made me cry, and I can’t imagine how anyone wouldn’t. It has made me think more about ways my son’s inner voice can be heard. And maybe even a bar mitzvah one day. (I’m getting verklempt.) He’s very different in many ways from Carly, but he’s clearly bright and has the capacity to learn to read and write. I think he’ll be asking for gummy bears, though.
For the people who didn’t win the book, I was given my copy and I’d be happy to loan it out. Contact Tobi at the Autism Society of Oregon to arrange it.
if you have a few minutes, please check out our new interactive video at http://www.carlyscafe.com. let us know what you think!
I was blown away with that video! (Both my kids dove under the table when the coffee grinder came on.) Everybody who DOESN’T have a child with autism should see that one, it sums up Spectrumville living so well. We linked it on our Facebook page.
CONTEST CLOSED. Winner picked via random number generator on random.org: #10 Rebecca. Thank you for all of your wonderful comments!
38. Apathy in a can – HA! Love it.
Can’t wait to read this book!
37. Wonderful review, and thanks to the Fleischmann’s for keeping that hope alive. I can’t wait to read Carly’s story and get some of that hope back.
36. Sounds like an awesome book. I would love to read! Thanks for the opportunity~:D
35. I just bought this book on my kindle last night because of your review. I read half of it last night and was hoping to finish it tonight, but woops, drank a bottle of wine with the neighbor. Tomorrow!
34. Thank you for sharing this review. As an educator I am so interested in what her school days looked like and how her teachers supported her. I see so much in my student’s eyes, I just need to find a way to reach them. Any insight would help.
33. I have a younger cousin with autism.
32. Would love to win the book.
31. I would love to read this! (My son has Autism and Carly’s insight would be very helpful to me.:)
30. Can’t wait to read this book!
29. I am 85% done this book and I’m sad to know the end is coming soon. I hope Arthur and Carly write another. I’d like to win this book so I can share it with everyone I know. Mine is on my Kobo and I can’t share that.
28. I can’t wait to read this. I would sell my soul to understand what life is like from my son’s perspective XXX
27. Would love to win this but will be reading it regardless.
26. This is a story I am dying to read! Thank you ladies for sharing your lives!
25. This sounds like a fantastic story, and one that I was not previously aware of as well. I have my shopping list ready. Book, chips, Do Not Disturb sign.Thanks for offering a copy for giveaway.
24. Going on my short list of things to read this summer.
23. I love what Carly’s dad wrote about hope in his comment. Well written post, as always! Looking forward to reading the book.
22. I have a Carly that goes by the name of Mary. I am reading the book right now and they are so much alike that it is downright spooky! I can only hope that some day my Mary will find her voice. She is 10 now, and has not spoken since she was 18 months. I’ve forgotten what it sounds like to hear her say “mom” and it breaks my heart. We withdrew her from public school last year because she was assaulted by her 1:1 assistant (who was found guilty in a court of law). I only hope she, like Carly, can find her voice some day. Very thankful to Carly and her father for sharing her story and giving me hope…because my jar is almost empty.
21. I would love to have a copy of this book! Thanks for all you do, and for the giveaway!
20. I’ve read reviews about this book and would love to read it. I’m always grateful when people on the spectrum share their stories, I’d love to read what Carly has to say.
this is arthur, carly’s dad. what a wonderful review and incredible comments from all of you. thank you so much! i’m sitting on the back porch right now, having a cocktail and relaxing – the same porch i stood on 10 years ago in utter dismay wondering where carly had escaped to. Carly is sitting next to me on her iPad and i’m thinking where have all the years gone and thank G-d they’ve ended up here. i agree, hope is terrifying. taken to an extreme, it’s just wishful thinking. losing it though, is suicide.
Hooray for cocktails on the porch! Thank you both for sharing your amazing story with the world.
19. Been a follower of Carly for three years. Been pushing this perception of autism for longer. Isn’t it wonderful to feel that there is more out there for our kids than what we imagined? And that it has nothing to do with yet another biomedical treatment or new therapy? Just lots and lots of work. Thank you for posting this.
18. Carly is such amazing young lady!! She gives all of us parents hope!!
Thank You Carly.
17. I have stopped reading most autism books, as I just needed a “break”. However, this sounds like something I can read without having “guilt” come out of it that I did something, are doing, or will do something wrong! I need inspiration for sure. Plus, I deserve the free book because I am awesome.
16. Thank you for the wonderful review! I’ve been thinking about reading it – now I am sold.
15. Always love reading anything that gives me more insight into what is going on inside of my 34 yr old, still nonverbal son. None of us has ever doubted his intelligence and that he is putting 2 and 2 together and arriving at 4, we deeply desire true conversation with him though.
14. “They’re not selling us a cure – they’re showing us how much we already have”. ANYTHING that helps us reach that moment is worth the price of admission….
13. Oh how I love the feeling of hope. I often claw my way through fears and set-backs just to get a glimpse of some of that sunshine. I love your description of it as a basic human need. And you’re right, the title of this book oozes raw hope! I’d love to read it!
12. This is exciting to me! I love reading personal stories of families overcoming different obstacle ‘s . I always think if I can learn just one thing out of each book I read on autism , it’s one more thing we could try on my grandson ,Luke, he’s come so far these little suggestions are well worth the time invested in reading them. I’m looking forward to reading this book also!!!
11. Great, insightful review, weighing the pros and cons of too much hope-inspiring reading and telling us why this book is actually worth it!
10. I don’t care about getting a book – I just want to say how much I appreciate your blog! Keep writing – for this reader its a bright spot in this nightmare experience.
9. I haven’t read this yet, but have been eager to do so after hearing Temple Grandin recommend it during a lecture last month in Iowa City. I am a member of a small support group of families of children with autism and although my son is verbal, many of my new friends’ children are not. I believe we learn more about our own children through the experiences of each other and I cannot wait to hear Carly’s voice.
8. Thanks for your review! I’ve been following Carly for a couple of years now and she’s really one of the only reasons I haven’t given up hope for my non-verbal twin girls. Also wanted to say thanks for your blog. It really does help me laugh through the tears!
7. I will definitely be looking for this book to add to our family library! I know that not only will I benefit from it but I am sure my children will too!
This is also a good one to give to friends and family who still don’t quite get it.
I agree, I am always trying to find a way to help other people to understand what my children go through on a daily basis.
6. Thank you for the recommendation – why can’t all reviews be this fun?
5. I think I NEED to read this book. I could use a little hope right now.
4. I can’t wait to read the book. I’ve been following Carly on FB and twitter for a while and it is so neat to see all of the cool stuff she is doing, such as touring colleges and read her perspective. Especially when that perspective is tweeting about goofing off in class by tweeting and hoping not to get caught.
3. I love these stories. The positive ones. The ones that lead us to hope and let us know that sometimes, all of our hard work really DOES pay off.
2. as a member of “our” club, I think I’ve read every book and article…but these are the best. those words that remind us that we aren’t crazy and that we will always find a friend in another parent who lives their lives in the constant shadow of autism.
even if I don’t win this giveaway, I’ll be adding this to my reading list…thanks!
1. So excited to read this book. Countless times I have wondered what is going on in my boy’s mind (especially when he shows his smirk).